Hiya guys! It's your lad harpseal2! And he's back with another horrible fanfiction! Isn't this fun?
On a side note, you guys really want me to do that Audio fanfiction review thing! I don't know if that's a good thing or bad. But anyway, let us begin. This is a sequel to '2nd Gear Scootabuse'. As such, it is by the same author as the other, Orangelinedevil.
[WARNING: This fanfiction contains Child Abuse, Scootabuse, blood and gore, and violence]
((If you have not read 2nd Gear Scootabuse, please go read it now. If you are reading this on or DeviantArt, it should be on my profile. When you're done with this story, I suggest you read "3rd Gear Scootabuse: Disaster Diary Mix". It is a somewhat different version of what you're reading. And when you're done with that, I suggest you read "3rd Gear Scootabuse: DeatH POEtRy jAm". Since I've been prolonging the release of this story, I made those other two side stories to make up for all of the fans who waited patiently. If you're on and the spacing seems weird, then I'm sorry. If you're on DA and the spacing seems weird, tough luck.)So, this story has 2 shitty 'remixes' and, above all, we have an author that doesn't give a shit about his fans. Or maybe he doesn't want to touch this piece of shit again. One or the other.
Since the incident with her parents and her hospitalization, Princess Celestia decided that it would be best for Scootaloo to stay with Twilight Sparkle. Predictably, Twilight was incredibly enthusiastic. She could finally have someone that she could force to read! And unlike most of her friends, she didn't have any sisters or even a brother for that matter. Spike was great and all, but he wasn't a fan of Twilight trying to make him read complicated books.Such as 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'.
When Twilight heard the news, she was quite eager to spend some time with Scootaloo. And then Pinkie Pie found out and of course there was a giant party for Scootaloo at Twilight's tree house. Like all of Pinkie Pie's parties, this one had tables of sugary snacks, punch, dancing, and a bouncing pink pony. It seemed to be a pretty typical party except for the fact that Rainbow Dash hadn't been seen a while. But this was Rainbow Dash they were talking about and they all knew that she was more than capable of taking care of herself.I.e, not becoming a fat fuck.
After several hours of talking, dancing, and drinking and getting high off Pinkie's weed (Originally : eating sweets),Fixed because we want an UNDEAD-style party
it was time for them to leave. Celestia was currently lowering the sun and that meant night would be coming soon. Sure Pinkie Pie would have wanted them to party the nights away, but they all had things to do in the morning. Twilight had books to read, Applejack had apples to buck, and Rarity had dresses to make and Pinkie Pie… No one was really sure what she did all day besides bake and throw parties. Even though there was still no sign of Rainbow Dash, none of them were worried except for Pinkie Pie who was rather depressed that she had missed a great party. Alas, the time for joy and merriment was over and each pony went their separate ways and that left Twilight, Spike, and Scootaloo all alone.No wonder why they're called the 'POUND puppies'.
*BA DUM CHISSS*
This certainly wasn't what the little filly was used to.I'm not used to anal too.
There were lights, the place was clean, there was food and she would be able to sleep in peace.Hopefully not while her 'secret butt fun' is going on.
Sure she had a recurring nightmare occasionally, but Twilight should have a spell for that. Scootaloo was lazily gazing out of the window and looking at the clouds. She wondered why her idol wasn't here. Sure it was a fun party, but Rainbow Dash would have made it twenty percent cooler.*BA DUM FUCKING CHISSS*
The moon was out now and Scootaloo was planning on going to bed. She would probably have a long day of crusading tomorrow. She was about to ask Twilight where she was going to sleep when the purple unicorn approached her first.The gift of divine wisdom!
"Hey there, Scootaloo. Since you're going to be staying here for a while, I figured I get you a gift."
"Will it help me get my Cutie Mark?"
'Bitch, you'll be fucking God-like!'
"Well, I'm not sure about that, but I think that it will be very useful so you don't forget all of your little adventures."
Before the young filly could interrupt her with more questions, Twilight had it handled. With her horn slightly glowing, a book and a quill floated from a shelf and she placed it in front of Scootaloo.
"You're giving me a book?"
"Not just a book. It's an empty diary.
You write things in it every day so you don't forget what type of amazing things you did.
And one day when you're older, you'll look back on this and laugh."
"Nothing seems funny about it right now."
"That's because you haven't written in it yet, silly filly. I think I might need to get to sleep. I'm starting to talk like Pinkie Pie."
YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
Scootaloo looked at the quill and the book and then back to Twilight who was heading to her bed. Since the lights were going to be off soon,GIRL YOUR BOOBIES LOOK REAL NICE TO ME TONIGHT/LET'S HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT I KNOW YOUR TIGHT/THAT'S WHEN WE TURN OFF THE LIGHTS
she wrote a quick entry.
After only a day of being stuck in the tree house with Twilight Sparkle, Scootaloo knew that she had to get out there and do something before all of these books made her head explode. And what was more fun that reading books that weighed more than she did? Crusading for cutie marks of course! But what was there left for them to do? They had a list of everything they had tried, but of course Apple Bloom lost it. Scootaloo left the tree house and went looking for her fellow crusaders. First she would stop by Rarity's dress shop and then Sweet Apple acres. But first, she had to get a snack. And where else could she get a better snack at* (originally: and) Sugar Cube Corner?
At McDonalds? Get a Big Mac, perhaps?
*BA DUM CHISS*
Scootaloo walked into the famed pastry shop and to her surprise, found no one there. No Mr. and Mrs. Cake and no customers.Maybe they are, Scootaloo, maybe they are...
"Maybe they're at lunch?"
While she stood there pondering where everyone was, the clear sound of metal clanging on the floor gently vibrated through the air. She looked around with an astounded look on her face as several of the lights went off. She blinked once and saw a shadow dash behind a table. She blinked again and saw it run past the corner of her eye. Breaking out into a sudden and very cold sweat, Scootaloo backed up and ran for the door. She tried to open it, but it was locked. She began to scream for help as her hopeless eyes gazed out of the window. The citizens of Ponyville continued about their day like nothing had happened. She was trapped in there with something… something with hooves that could be coming nearer and nearer. As much as she hated it, she turned around to see another pony lurking in the darkness. Its eye glowed red, its breathing was ragged and foam could be seen coming from its mouth. Scootaloo's mouth opened to scream but only a faint sound came out. This was it. Whoever this pony was, it was going to do something terrible to the little filly. And just like she shadows, it suddenly looked over Scootaloo with its mouth open and dripping foam.
Oh no! It's the Cake's pet Rottweiler, named Buttercup!
"I'm sorry, daddy! Don't beat me again!"Orange, does this sound similar to what you've heard from your therapist?
"I think you have a real head problem."
And that is when all of the lights came on. What Scootaloo thought was possibly her father turned out to be no pony other than Pinkie Pie. Her mouth was covered in whipped cream and her face and mane were heavily sprinkled with flour.Or was it? Find out next time on 60 Minutes.
Pinkie Pie wrapped an arm around the filly and pulled her in very close before she whispered into her ear.
"I really think you should have someone check out your head. You don't seem to be normal."
Orange, don't let us know about what happened at your last therapy session.
Pinkie's word held a noticeable bit of concern with just a tad of sadness. She moved away from Scootaloo and was back to her incredibly peppy self.Who else stoppedusingaspacebar mid-sentence?
"I think that's the second time you've mistaken me for someone else, silly filly! Who else has such a magnificentlywonderfulcurly pink mane like this?"
Expect Pinkie Pie to take everything in stride. Now that the lights were on, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were behind the kitchen covered in flour giggling at Scootaloo's frightful reaction. Even though she just had a terrible flashback, Scootaloo tried to shake the images out of her head. Life was better now and she would never have to go back to that terrible place.Maaaaaaaaaaaaybeeeeeeeeee...
She walked up to the counter and peered over. There were ingredients everywhere, including on the little 'bakers'.
"So we're working on our muffin making cutie mark?"
"Yup yup yup! You're little friends knew I was a master at baking muffins so they decided to learn from the best!"
"If you're the best, why is the oven on fire?"
MY FLESH! IT BUUUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNS!!!!!!
Scootaloo pointed a hoof towards the once shining oven now covered in sugar, flower, and spewing smoke. Her fellow Crusaders erupted into a panic as Pinkie Pie grabbed the fire extinguisher. With a scowl of determination, she pulled the trigger and the white foam forcefully ejected.
Perhaps she should have held the hose because she was quickly sprayed in the face with fire retardant. But despite her initial failure, she somehow managed to open the oven and put out the fire.The Cake's Mexican janitor, named José.
She pulled out a muffin tin that contained several smoldering piles of what should have been muffins. Once again taking everything in stride, Pinkie Pie threw them out the window, tray and all.
"Whoopsies! Guess you won't be getting your muffin making cutie mark!"
Despite the obvious sadness showed by Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo didn't feel bad. Not like she had burned the muffins. Even so, not like they had gotten their cutie marks for it and this was yet another failed endeavor. But like always, they wouldn't cry about it. They were going to go out there and try again!
As usual, they used their previous failure as a stepping stone; the Cutie Mark Crusaders bounded outside of the shop in search of their next adventure and left Pinkie Pie all alone.
"And who is going to have to clean this up?"
Completely not hearing Pinkie Pie's cry of frustration, the eager fillies stepped outside into sunny Ponyville. Strangely, there weren't as many ponies as usual going about their daily routines. The Crusaders walked around for a bit and saw the Mayor standing on her pedestal with hundreds of Ponyville civilians eagerly waiting to hear her announcement.GET TO THE FUCKING POINT, ORANGE. HOLY SHIT.
"I regretfully inform you that we have lost one of Ponyville's most well-known and loved Pegasus ponies. He was known in his youth as Wide Wings the Gallant although most of you younger ponies know him as that cranky old pony sitting on the clouds. He passed peacefully in his sleep but he wrote a note before he was taken to the highest clouds. In his honor, he asked that we all hold a great race to see which young Pegasus shall get to have one of his famed racing medals."
Despite the solemn and depressing occasion, the crowd seemed alive with interest. Sure, there were many races but there was never one in the honor of a deceased pony legend.
"The race shall be held in 33 days and I do believe that some of you young Pegasus ponies have some training to get to!"
Immediately, several wings could be heard beating as countless ponies took to the sky. Apparently, this had gotten everypony riled up and some were already eager to race. Hopefully, a month and some days would give them all enough time to practice.HEROIC!
Scootaloo left her friends in a small cloud of dust as she caught sight of familiar blue wings.
"H-hey, Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!"
The blue Pegasus looked down and landed in front of Scootaloo. A cloud slowly drifted past the sun and most of Ponyville was bathed in a temporary shadow. But not Rainbow Dash. She stood there in that small spot of sunlight as a slight breeze blew her tail and mane behind her.
Scootaloo stood there with her eyes wide and her mouth ajar. It was as if even the forces of nature were declaring Rainbow Dash's greatness.
"So what's up, pipsqueak? I can't give you flying lessons. I've got to practice for this race."
"That's just it, Rainbow Dash! I want to be your manager!"
Rainbow Dash let out a laugh as the wind blew her man again and the clouds left the sun's way.
"You? Manage me? No offense, but I don't think you can keep up with me. I'm only one of the greatest fliers Equestria has ever seen. And even if you could, I think that I'm too much for you to handle. "
Dash's boasting almost reflected that of a certain unicorn visitor. Sure, she had done the Sonic Rainboom twice in her young life, but being humble wouldn't have killed her.
"That's why I should be your manager! I want to one day be as cool as you are!"
"I'll have to think about it, pipsqueak. Trying to manage me is a bigger task than cleaning up after one of Pinkie Pie's parties. But maybe you can watch me fly. You can be my trainer and bring me water and stuff!"
Rainbow Dash gave a slightly arrogant chuckle before she spread her wings and took off into the sky leaving her admirer wide eyed and shocked. Maybe she would get her assistant cutie mark if she helped her idol win this race? With a face full of wonder and a heart full of excitement, Scootaloo raced home to see how she would earn Dash's approval.
Maybe with some...
Scootaloo sat on top of Twilight's tree house with binoculars pressed to her eyes. She was still amazed at how graceful Rainbow Dash looked as she flew over clouds, past flocks of birds and around the tops of the tallest trees. She could have stayed there for countless hours just watching Rainbow Dash's wings flutter and push her constantly further.I'm seriously out of fucking gags. Holy shit. This story is sooo fuucking LONG!!!
A group of Pegasus ponies floated towards the multicolored racer and they began talking. She couldn't hear them, but Scootaloo tried her best to read their lips, but it was to no avail. But she kept watching and they all flew off into the distance. Scootaloo let out a rather sad sigh. Rainbow Dash could have at least told her she was leaving. She was about to climb down when she saw ten blurs soar through the sky. Most of them were unfamiliar, but all she cared about was the rainbow streak that was ahead of them all.
"You can do it, Rainbow Dash!"
Even though her verbal support wasn't heard, she truly hoped that Rainbow Dash would emerge victorious. Seeing no point in chasing after them, Scootaloo got off of the roof and waited on the balcony. Several minutes had passed and she was about to go inside when she saw that familiar blue body fly over her. Scootaloo suddenly jumped with excitement when Rainbow Dash landed.You should buy these, they're called steroids!
"So, Rainbow Dash! How much did you win by? A few feet? A few yards? Did you leave then in your dust? Well, that would have been weird since you're flying. Were they crying when you beat them?"
Despite her constant questions, Rainbow Dash kept an indignant look on her face. Scootaloo was about to ask her again, but Rainbow Dash put her hoof in front of face.
"Well, I guess coming in second place isn't that bad. You can always challenge the winner again. And then when you win, you can-"
"I came in fourth! Dammit!"
Even though she was rudely cut off, Scootaloo still intended to console her idol. The blue wings spread and took off into the sky and Scootaloo's head dropped in shame. For unknown reasons, she placed the blame on herself. But that only meant that she would only have to try harder next time.
"I'm sure I can get all of these ingredients from Zecora…"
Don't try too hard, you'll get haemorrhoids!
It was late in the afternoon and Rainbow Dash was lurking in Twilight's library. Her coming there for a book wasn't the strange thing. The strange thing was that no one was there and she had all of the lights off. Rainbow Dash was so absorbed into her book that she failed to notice that somepony was approaching her.'No, I'm using steroids.'
"Hey, Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow Dash nearly jumped out of her skin as she saw a smiling Scootaloo staring right into her eyes. Honestly, Dash was a bit freaked out by her sudden arrival. She put the book behind her and smiled awkwardly at her admirer.
"What's pharmacology? Are you going to use a pharmacon to win the next race?"
"Scootaloo, a pharmacon isn't real and this book is about making medicine. I've been…. Uh…. Feeling a bit sick."
Rainbow Dash gave a fake cough complete with an unconvincing smile. She placed the book on the shelf and placed her hoof on Scootaloo's shoulder.
"How about you tell no one about this and I'll let you keep 'training' me?"
Even though she knew she wasn't actually much for Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo gave a squeal of delight and her little wings flapped and took her a few inches off the ground. Rainbow Dash trotted out and Scootaloo followed her with a large grin of happiness.
"Damn, this shit isn't easy. I should have asked a unicorn for help."
It was early in the morning and Rainbow Dash was sitting on an exceptionally high cloud. Only a few slivers of light made their way through the clouds blocking the sun's radiance. Rainbow Dash was sure that no one would be able to see her now. She fumbled with the large needle in her mouth before she managed to stick it into one of the major veins of her front foreleg. She didn't feel anything at first, but when the needle was emptied, she felt an amazing rush. It was like the first time she truly flew as a filly. No, it was greater than that. It was like when she managed to do her second Sonic Rainboom. It was just like that.
She rolled over on her side and let the fluid course through her veins. If her calculations were correct, then she would be a faster flier in no time. With her mind on her possible future success, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes with a dark smile on her face.
The sun quickly rolled in and Rainbow Dash slowly opened her eyes. She looked around a bit before the events of the early morning all came back to her. She looked down at her foreleg where the needle was. It was purple and looked a bit swollen. She'd have to get it examined by Fluttershy later.
"Way to go, Dashie!"
Far out on the outskirts of Ponyville, Scootaloo was sitting on a high branch watching Rainbow Dash fly around the clouds she set up as an obstacle course. She was doing well until she slowed down at a corner and one of her wings went through a cloud. She stopped and flew down to the branch and sat next to Scootaloo. "I think you would've done better if-" Rainbow Dash flicked her wet wing and sprayed the water onto Scootaloo. Scootaloo looked at Rainbow Dash and shook the water out of her mane.
'Hey look guys, Scootaloo is all wet.'
"I don't think that was very nice, Rainbow-"
Once again, the flightless filly was interrupted, but this time, it wasn't by an annoyed sprayed of water. Rainbow Dash's hard hoof crashed into the side of Scootaloo's face twice in quick succession.
"Smart mouthed little shit."
Rainbow Dash spread her wings and took off to the skies. The sudden removal of weight caused the branch to jerk heavily. Scootaloo fell off and even though she flapped her little wings as hard as she could, she couldn't soften her fall. She landed on her side with a loud thwack and an almost inaudible noise. She stayed there for a while, but when she finally made it to her hooves, Rainbow Dash was standing over her.
Looking up, Scootaloo noticed that her idol seemed to give off a somewhat malicious vibe. And not to mention she looked a lot stronger. As an athlete, everyone knew that Dash had powerful but lean muscles. Now, her muscles just seemed bulky and she had a bandage on her foreleg.
"Stop being lazy and get the hell up. I've had enough practice for today."
Rainbow Dash kicked some dirt in Scootaloo's face before she took off to the sky completely abandoning Scootaloo. And to make matters worse, the sun was going down.
Scootaloo wasn't really sure which was back to Ponyville. She wanted to try to find her way, but she didn't want to get lost. So against her naturally adventurous ways, Scootaloo decided to stay put. Maybe Rainbow Dash would come back for her.
Scootaloo trotted under the safety of the tree and lied down. Thankfully she wasn't hungry and it was a rather pleasant night. Hoping the next day would be better; she closed her eyes and went to sleep.
Scootaloo wasn't sure why, but she was back at her old home and all of the familiar things were there. Broken glass, random blood stains, dim lights and the strong stench of urine were quickly brought back in her mind. Instead of going straight for the door, she went to the back room. There, she saw both of her parents in front of that glass table with their eyes dilated and snouts covered in white powder.
She knew where this was going. She turned away from them and headed to the front door. With a sigh, she opened it and stepped out. But instead of her being on the broken down porch, she found herself in her parent's room and there was no door behind her. There was only the door on the other side of the room and her parents standing in its way. Both of them had a glazed look on their faces and their wings were twitching. But something was wrong with this picture.
Her mother looked like she was rotting. Actually, the last time Scootaloo saw her mother, she was in bloody bits and pieces everywhere.
Her skin was peeling, muscle and bone showed and she was missing an eye. One of her wings was halfway off and it was missing most of its feathers. Her lower jaw was gone and her tongue flapped about loosely. She smelled like rotten meat and her one eye was glaring deep into her daughter's soul. She tried to speak, but all that came out was a garbled wail. Sadly, the stallion next to her was still in one piece and he addressed his frightened daughter.
"You got your mother killed. You got me banished to the dungeons… You're a very ungrateful little filly. We loved you. We protected you. We made sure that you were happy. And then you went and betrayed out trust. You betrayed us. You betrayed us and now we're going to get even."
Down on your knees crying for help,
And you're just gonna be another notch on the belt.
And you can only blame yourself!
And I'mma make it rain in Hell!
Scootaloo stepped back in a mixture of fear and anger. She was afraid because she knew of the violence that would be brought on her and she was angry because her father had the nerve to sit there and lie to her.You know what?
Both of them lunged at Scootaloo, but their constant beatings of her taught Scootaloo how to dodge. She ran under them and then made a dash for the door. She swung it open and she ran through the disgusting living room with her mother and father right behind her. She stepped outside and emerged in a radically different place.
There was a stone path with thick trees on both sides. And on the end, there was no one other than Rainbow Dash smiling and waving a hoof.
With new determination, Scootaloo jumped from the rickety porch and ran towards the light. Everything was darker and now, all she could see was the light at the end of the path. It was all she could see, or so she thought. The trees began to move and she saw a storm of red eyes glaring at her.Is this fucking Scootabuse or Gory Hentai with ponies? I have no fucking clue anymore.
Strange creatures were forming in the darkness and they were lashing out at her. Claws came and raked her flank; tentacles emerged and whipped her ankles causing her to constantly stumble.
She saw Sweetie Belle getting pulled apart by a mass of slimy tentacles. She saw Apple Bloom getting mauled by countless ponies without cutie marks.
But instead of her friends screaming in agony, they were looking at Scootaloo with deranged smiles on their faces. The creature with the tentacles slowly peeled the skin off of Sweetie Belle's and the young unicorn was laughing. Her horn was broken off and blood sprayed out and got on Scootaloo's face. But she pressed forward even though she saw Apple Bloom getting her limbs twisted and snapped. Scootaloo closed her eyes and kept running until the poetic speaking started.Wonderful lyrics! Even I couldn't even write such beautiful lyrics! BRAVO!!
"Come little filly, come with us. We're the only ones that you can trust. Everypony else just wants you abused and we can see that you're confused. Come little filly, come be our twin. We only want to pull away all your skin. We'll feed you your tongue so you can't yell and then we'll make sure all is well. Let the blood fill your lungs and we still won't be done"
Her eyes were now streaming tears, but she continued to go on and avoid the monstrosities that were out for her life. Perhaps the worst thing was an abnormally tall pony wearing a suit. It had no face and seemed to be walking past Scootaloo even though she was running as hard as she could. It reached out for her and she ran to the side. It was getting closer and she saw the light was shining brighter. Just a bit further and she would be safe. Just when she thought she was there, there light moved away.There, there. No need to worry Scootaloo.
Something was right next to her. It walked on two legs and had long arms with dangly attachments on the end. Its skin was dark brown and it had yellow teeth bared at the filly.OH MY GOD! IT'S 50 CENT!!!
Tears were slowly pouring from her eyes as the foreign beast attempted to take a bite out of her neck. It missed, but it lunged again and ripped flesh away from her. The hair around its mouth was covered in her blood as it savagely chewed her flesh and grabbed for more. Its appendages were wrapped around her legs and that slowed her down considerably.I think it's unique to Orangelinedevil's fics, but I'm not in a joking mood any more. Poor Scootaloo. :(
She fell over and began to kick at the creature furiously. Its yellow teeth covered in her blood gave it an orange smiled filled with pernicious intent.
Suddenly, all of the evils that she was trying to avoid closed in on her. She closed her eyes and began to scream. She had no idea what they were doing to her, but it was agonizing and she knew she was going to die. As she felt the life slipping from her, she opened her eyes one last time to see a blue feather and hear the flapping of wings. As blood leaked from her mouth, she heard the sweet voice of her idol.
"It's alright, Scootaloo. I'll always be here and I'll always love you."
Scootaloo's face felt warm even though the rest of her body was somewhat cold. Her body wasn't in pain but her face and her flanks were killing her. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was still under that tree and it was still night time. All of that was nothing more than a nightmare. Her hoof went to her face and she felt blood. Maybe she was thrashing around in her sleep? Her thoughts were interrupted by a bright light and a sharp pain to one of her ears. She quickly sat up and held her now throbbing ear.TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNK!!!
And standing over Scootaloo was the ever muscular Rainbow Dash. Except this time, there was something different about her. She had bandages on both forelegs and she looked even more menacing.
Fuck, now I wanna play L4D2. :(
Scootaloo wasn't particularly aware of what was going on until she tasted her own blood and saw that Dash's front left hoof was stained red. She looked at her flanks and saw several deep hoof marks. It felt like she had just been branded, but she didn't want to appear weak in the eyes of her increasingly abusive idol.I won't cry/ it'll be fine/ I'll take my last breath/ push it out my chest/ till there's nothin' left
She struggled to get up and flapped her wings weakly. When she was finally standing, she put on a face of courage and stared into the eyes of her abuser. She would be tough! She would make it through the pain! She would prove she could take this! She would… try to maintain her balance after Rainbow Dash whacked her in the face.
"You better not cry either. Now get the hell up so we can go."
Scootaloo maintained her balance and followed after Rainbow Dash as she trotted off. Either Dash was walking very slowly or Scootaloo was unable to keep up. It was getting a bit hard for her to breathe and everything was getting blurry. As she went to the ground, the last thing she saw was Rainbow Dash walking away from her.OH, ARE WE GETTIN' KINKY NOW?!
"Scootaloo? Scootaloo? Can you hear me? It's Twilight."
Scootaloo opened one of her eyes and looked up at the purple unicorn above her. Twilight smiled at her and Scootaloo managed to form a weak smile in response. One of her eyes was swollen shut, but she managed to gaze around and see that she was in her bed. She sat up a little and saw Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Fluttershy. Her fellow Crusaders were looking on with a look of sadness and shock.
Fluttershy was wearing a nurse's outfit and was holding a bowl of soup.
"Uum… You need to lean your head back so I can help you get better. Of course if that's alright with you."HEY HEY APPLE HEY HEY APPLE HEY HEY APPLE.
As usual, Fluttershy was nervous and timid even though she was only dealing with a mildly injured Scootaloo. Twilight motioned for the other Crusaders to leave as Fluttershy began to take care of Scootaloo.
When she was done, Scootaloo somehow managed to give Fluttershy a weak hug. Of course, Fluttershy smiled and turned a bit red.
"I'm very grateful, Miss Fluttershy."
Fluttershy's wings temporarily stiffened and her face turned ever redder. Scootaloo gave a quiet giggle and let go.
"You almost look like an orange."
Scootaloo laughed at her joke and Fluttershy couldn't help but laugh with her. The laughter continued for a bit until Scootaloo asked a serious question.Oh woe is me woe is me
"Miss Fluttershy, have you seen Dashie?"
Fluttershy's face went from red with embarrassment and laughter to pale with fear and uncertainty. She fiddled with her hooves for a bit.
"Oh… um… well you see… Rainbow Dash dropped you off here and sort of took off. You've been out for about two days and no one has seen her since and the big race is very soon."
Scootaloo had a feeling that she wasn't being told the whole story but she chose not to bother Fluttershy with any more questions. Scootaloo rolled over and after a while, she sobbed herself to sleep.
I guess I need love
Hoes ya see hoes ya see
I'm just in a rut
And I swear I'm trying baby please
Baby don't leave
God-damn I'm a fuck-up
But I guess that's just me
So I sit in my room
And I'll cry in my bed
Thinkin about all the shit
That made me wrong in my head
I keep trying to climb
But it seems so steep
Pour myself a fuckin' whisky
And go back to sleep.... bitch.
She didn't know how long she was sleeping but when she woke up, she was all alone. Her bandages had been changed and there was a daisy sandwich and bowl of milk on the nightstand next to her.
She managed to get out of bed and walk around for a bit. Her flanks still hurt and she had a swollen eye, but she felt alright. Based on the light shining through the window, it must have been another sunny day.
Twilight was asleep at a table surrounded by various papers. Out of curiosity, Scootaloo went to see what Twilight was working on. There were numbers and graphs and countless big words she couldn't understand. Scootaloo shook her head, grabbed her Cutie Mark Crusaders cloak and went outside.
There were several Earth ponies and unicorns walking in the direction of Cloudsdale. It seemed that today was the day of the big race.
Yeah yeah, all about the big race. What about Crackle?
This is just making this story sadder. :(
After walking for a bit, Scootaloo and the other ponies came to several hundred bleachers. Scootaloo was about to take a seat when an incredibly low cloud pulled by a large Pegasus came rolling by. Several Pegasus fillies and a few unicorns with glowing horns stepped on. Wanting a better view of the race, Scootaloo got onto the cloud and it took them to Cloudsdale.
Their cloud was positioned rather close to the finish line. Actually, the track was a really massive loop around Ponyville with the finish line being the starting line. Scootaloo looked at all of the ponies that were lined up. There were some that were well known like Spitfire and Soarin while others weren't as well known. Everypony was waiting on the race to begin, but a lot of ponies noticed that a special somepony was missing. As the start flag was raised, Scootaloo began to bite her hooves in nervousness. The flag was dropped and the races took off. Almost immediately, two trails of smoke were at the head of the pack. But coming up right behind them was a familiar blue pony leaving a multicolored streak.
NYAN CAT! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY
The race seemed to go on for a while. A lot of the Earth ponies and grounded unicorns could clearly see the race from the bottom of the ground. Large flocks of Pegasus ponies flew around the track to make sure that they didn't miss any of the action.1. MAY DA FORCE BE WITH YOU!
Since most Pegasus ponies weren't racers, flying around the track to see the race would have been a waste of effort.
The crowd erupted in excitement as the racers could be seen coming around the final bend. Scootaloo's eyes filled with excitement as she watched five racers battle neck in neck to be ahead by just a bit.
When they fastest five were closing in on the finish line, Scootaloo took a big breath and let out a loud yell.
"I believe in you, Rainbow Dash!"
2. It's kind of hard not to believe in her, because, in Equestria, SHE FUCKING EXISTS.
Dash turned her head to look at Scootaloo and then the race was over. Out of five racers in the front, it was impossible to see who had won. The crowd kept their cheering as the other racers flew across the finish line.
After a few minutes, the head of Cloudsdale flew to a podium to announce the winner.
"After reviewing the photo finish, I have determined the winners of this race! And in first place and winner of Wide Wings' medal is… Spitfire!"
A mix of cheers and boos came from the crowd. A lot of people were upset that she had won seeing as how she a professional flier and had years of practice. But despite ponies disagreeing, they all stopped their cheers and jeers as the old, yet notably shiny gold medal was placed around her neck.
"And coming in second place is… Caballo Volador!"
A somewhat unknown bright red Pegasus flew to the podium with a smile on his face as the shiny silver medal was placed around with neck. Beaming with pride, he flew next to Spitfire as ponies took several pictures.
"And coming in third is… Well, for their name, they drew themselves eating a muffin for some reason."
The crowd looked around in confusion until a gray set of wings flew to the podium. The unnamed gray pony took her bronze medal and somehow ended up tangled in it.
"Um, well now that we're back on track, the fourth place winner is Rainbow Dash followed in fifth place by Soarin!"
Rainbow Dash flew to the podium expecting to get some sort of medal, but instead only got a fancy sash. Despite the anger that was fuming inside of her, she managed to forge a smile for the camera.
Was this result of her training? All of that practice to come in fourth out of fifty. She should have been in first place. She was the one with the strongest wings and the biggest muscles. She was the one that did the Sonic Rainboom. She was the one that knew she was better than everypony else here. Even though ponies were still taking pictures and wanting autographs, Rainbow Dash flew off leaving that distinct trail of colors behind her.APPLEJACK BAD TIME GO AWAY
When she was far enough away, she had to release her anger. She flew down to a tree and began to kick it furiously. It wasn't helping so she began to kick and harder and harder until it eventually broke and tipped over. She felt a little better bit still needed to release her anger on something that could feel her rage.
"That's some might fancy tree kicking ya got there."
Applejack strolled up to her athletic rival and looked at the broken tree.
"Last time I seen a tree bent like that was when Big Mac had a bad day and tried apple bucking. If ya ever feel tha need to help out on the farm, we could always-"O WOE IS MEH.
Rainbow Dash let out an angry growl and took back to the sky. She didn't want to talk to Applejack right now. She was still flank hurt about their Running of The Leaves altercation. She thought she was over it, but it suddenly made her angrier than ever.
Applejack noticed that Dash had kicked up a rather large cloud of dust. She coughed and looked up at her friend flying away. She noticed bandages on both of Dash's forelegs as well as the way her veins bulged out against rippling muscles. Even though she knew that something wasn't right, she wasn't sure if it would be right to tell someone or not. Who was the most reliable pony in Ponyville?
"Pinkie Pie, I feel really bad for Dashie. She tried so hard and only got fourth place. I think it's entirely my fault because I failed as her trainer."
The race was several hours ago and ponies were still talking about how exciting it was. Well, almost everypony; except for Scootaloo. She was the lone customer at Sugar Cube corner. As usual, Pinkie Pie was easily excited and hyper and she was cleaning up after a day of serving several hungry racers after the event. As she put away the last trays, she bounced over to Scootaloo with that usual smile on her face.GIRL YOUR BOOBIES LOOK REAL NICE TO ME TONIGHT/LET'S HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT I KNOW YOUR TIGHT/THAT'S WHEN WE TURN OFF THE LIGHTS
"Even though she didn't win, I know that Rainbow Dash will come back out better than ever! I think she's the toughest of all of us! Well, maybe Applejack since she kicks trees all the time. I wonder which one is tougher. I should ask them, but then it might end up with them fighting. But Applejack is pretty strong… I know! I'll throw a party and we'll see who is the toughest!"
As usual, Pinkie Pie's logic made about as much sense as trying to find a synonym for synonym. She placed a slice of cake in front of the somewhat doleful filly and she turned off all of the lights except for one above the counter.
"Cake makes everything better! I have to go handle some things in the basement, but I'll be sure to come up here to lock up after you're done."
With a usually cheery smile, Pinkie Pie bounced her way downstairs and left Scootaloo alone to mourn. As she poked at the cake in front of her, the front door opened up. She looked towards the door and saw a familiar and muscular silhouette. Wings spread wide, Rainbow Dash stepped into the lone light above Scootaloo.
Her fur was ruffled, her eyes were bloodshot and she was breathing heavily.
OH MY GOD! TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNK!!!!
"Um… hey, Rainbow Dash. About earlier, I sort of um-"
Before Scootaloo could finish her poor executed sentence, a hard hoof smacked the side of her face. Scootaloo didn't say anything. She just took it like the tough filly she thought she was.
"I guess I deserved that."
Sorry guys, that was horrible.
All Scootaloo was saw was a flash of blue, white lights and then the floor. Her nose was bleeding now, but she still stood firm.
"You little shit! You distracted me because you didn't want me to win!"
Her sentence shocked Scootaloo and her eyes began to fill with tears. Not because of the sudden pain she was in, but because she really believed she was the cause of her idol's failure.
"You're given one simple job and you can't even do that right! That's what I get for trusting you!"
"But Rainbow Dash, I-"
And another hard hoof smashed into Scootaloo's face. She went to the floor and quickly stood back up. She looked up at her violent idol and noticed the rage in her eyes. She knew Rainbow Dash could hit hard, but her rippling muscles only meant she would hit a lot harder. Scootaloo hung her head down low as one of Dash's large wings easily flung her into a wall.
Once again, Scootaloo arose. She was going to prove to Dash that she was tough. Even when Dash got a running start and rammed her head into Scootaloo's soft torso, the filly tried to hold on.Just, listen to this beautiful song.
Her nose was bleeding heavily and she knew her organs were all pushed out of place. But with a heart filled with determination, she managed to get up every time one of Dash's hooves smashed into her.
Scootaloo was becoming used to the pain or so she thought. Rainbow Dash turned around and didn't face her admirer. It was finally over. Scootaloo proved that she was tough enough to take this beating. Actually, she wasn't.
Dash bucked and both of her hind legs went into the air and her hooves made contact with Scootaloo's unprotected face. Her head flew back, hit the wall and she heard her skull fracture. She coughed out a puddle of blood as well as three teeth.Maybe it's just me, or 'Johnny 3 Teeth' is a really bad name.
She gave up. She stayed there slumped against the wall. Her left eye was completely swollen shut and her right one was being clouded with blood. Rainbow Dash walked over to her and began to pound her violently with her hooves.HE'S POUNDING ME INTO SHIT!
Bits of fur flew off, blood decorated the ground around them and orange feathers flew into the air. Rainbow wasn't going to stop until Scootaloo was dead and her rage was gone. Scootaloo's vision left her and she waited for death to take her away.This song is beautiful.
Even though it was the mare she admired so much, Scootaloo felt no ill will towards her. In her mind, she didn't see a ravenous blue Pegasus. She saw her two parents with that white powder on their noses and insanity in their glares. And in her young mind, they came back to finish her off.I...have nothing to say. Poor Scootaloo. :(
The countless blows finally stopped and Rainbow Dash walked to the exit door. She was finally done. Somehow still conscious, Scootaloo managed to weakly say one sentence.
"But I still love you…"
Rainbow Dash's eyes widened and she turned back to Scootaloo. The memories of them spending time together flooded back into her mind. She remembered how Scootaloo looked up to her and how she said she would one day be as great as Rainbow Dash. Sorrow filled Rainbow Dash, but it was quickly replaced by the anger she felt when she got that fourth place sash.
She stared down the little filly and scraped the ground with her hooves. She flapped her wings and right as she was about to make a finishing tackle, the sound of metal clanging on the floor took her back to reality.
Standing behind the counter was Pinkie Pie who looked on in sheer horror. Her usually sparkling blue eyes were now pale with shock and her smiling face was twisted in anger. Her unruly and curly hair went 'poof' and then it was straight.Goodbye, goodbye,
Her pupils that were focused on Rainbow Dash dilated and began to look into opposite directions. She opened a drawer and pulled a rather large rolling pin.
"Wow, Rainbow Dash. Didn't know you were so abusive. Looks like you could use some cupcakes to cheer you up."
Scootaloo finally passed out from shock and blood loss. Pinkamina climbed over the counter, stood on her hind legs and walked over to Rainbow Dash. She placed a hoof on her shoulder and Rainbow Dash broke into tears. Pinkamina wrapped her arms around her mentally broken friend and gave her a warm hug.
"The special thing about being an Earth pony is that most of us can be incredibly strong when we have to. And ever notice why I'm so hyper? Well, I do live in a cake shop. But sometimes if I don't bounce around, I get a lot of stored up energy that I have to let out."
Rainbow Dash kept sobbing violently for a few moments until she was able to catch her breath.
"W-what do you mean, Pinkie Pie?"
"Please. Call me Pinkamina. Is that a first place medal I see?"
Pinkamina pointed out the window Rainbow Dash turned her head in excitement and saw nothing but an empty parlor. She turned back to see Pinkamina smiling at her wildly. She had the rolling pin raised in the air and with a godlike power; she brought it down between Dash's eyes.
There was a loud 'thwack' and the pin snapped in half. The other end went into the air and landed on the ground with a clattering sound. Rainbow Dash stared at Pinkie Pie before her eyes closed and she fell to the ground. "Don't worry Rainbow Dash. Everything will be all better."
Everything will be alright
I promise I'll be by your side
Rest in peace alone,
I wouldn't put a fuckin' flower on your gravestone
(If you died)
Once again, Scootaloo woke up to find herself in a warm bed but in extreme pain. She couldn't see anything since her eyes were bandaged and her joints were in too much pain for her to move.
"H-hello? Is anypony there?"
Scootaloo feebly called out into the darkness hoping that someone would answer her.
"I'm glad you're awake. Now I can finish removing the rest of your organs."
Even with only one good ear, Scootaloo heard what that unknown pony said. She began to scream and flail about causing her wounds to reopen and start to bleed.
"Oh shit. I am so fired! Calm down! I was uuh.. Talking to another patient! You're completely safe now!"
Scootaloo continued her self-destructive thrashing until she felt a needle go into her neck. Within seconds, the cool liquid was coursing through her veins and she quickly gave into deep sleep.
She awoke some time later and again tried to move. It was pointless and even just breathing seemed to hurt her.
"Where am I?"
"Oh, you're awake. There's nothing to worry about. We're working on your injuries right now. You're safe and you should just get back to sleep."
Scootaloo was still tired, and had a lot more questions to ask. Before she could flood them with questions, another needle was in her neck and she drifted off into peaceful dreams once again.
For fuck's sake, why is Scootaloo becoming a fucking pin cushion!? If it's not a fist, it's a needle. If it's not verbal, then it's physical. If it's not a needle, it's a knife. For fuck's sake, how much can an UNDERAGE PONY take?
"I don't think we'll be getting our painting Cutie Marks any time soon."I think...
"Don't think like that, Apple Bloom! We'll just have to keep trying! Isn't that right, Scootaloo? Scootaloo? Where'd you go?"
Several weeks had passed since Scootaloo's hospitalization and she was recovering fine. Even though she had a cast on her left wing, a patch on her left eye and stitches, she was actually doing quite well.
Today, the crusaders were at Rarity's working on their painting skills. Despite Rarity's occasional yells of frustration, they were having a rather pleasant time.
Apple Bloom painted the Apple family, Sweetie Belle painted herself and Rarity. And strangely enough, Scootaloo painted fish.
...that there's something fishy about this.
She remembered when they tried to get their fishing Cutie Mark and failed terribly. Sure it was a failure, but she actually thought it was fun. Not to mention that she didn't have to purple paint needed to paint Twilight Sparkle.Fuck the pain away, make it through the day.
"I was getting some more blue for the water."
Scootaloo sat down in front of her canvas, put the brush in her mouth and began painting away.
"Alright, everpony. I think it's about time for everyone to leave. I'm closing shop and Sweetie Belle has to help me with some dresses."
Rarity was the element of generosity, not honesty. She had no problem telling a little white lie to get them to leave. Besides them being loud, Rarity knew it wouldn't be long before there was an even bigger mess on paint on her sparkling white floors.
"Apple Bloom, I'm sure your sister wants you to help her.. er um… kick trees or something. And Scootaloo, I am certainly positive Twilight wants to give you an unwanted lecture on a book that she read."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. Apple Bloom headed to the farm and Scootaloo was making her way to Twilight's tree house. Even though it occasionally hurt to walk, Scootaloo told herself that she was tough and could make it through the pain.
Scootaloo jumped back in shock but calmed down when she realized it was just Pinkie Pie. The pink pony reached into the bag that was thrown over her shoulder and pulled out a cupcake. Not just any cupcake. This one was white with rainbow colored frosting.What? Did she actually deny a chance to learn about the theories advanced oxidation processes? DOES SHE FUCKING KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT SHIT IS!
"Don't say anything. Just take it."
Pinkie Pie forced Scootaloo to take the cupcake before she bounced off back into the bushes and vanished.
Scootaloo looked at the pastry in her hand and thought of Rainbow Dash and all the pain she was put through at her hooves. She took a bite of it and noticed a strange red substance leaking from the center. Whatever was in this cupcake, it was terrible. She spat it out and threw it into a nearby trash can and continued on her way to Twilight's house.
She opened the door and was immediately greeted by Twilight smiling face.
"I'm glad you're here! I just finished reading an article on the theories advanced oxidation processes and I want to tell you all about it!"
"Maybe later, Twilight. I'm feeling a bit tired."
What an obvious lie. In truth, Scootaloo didn't want to hear another one of Twilight's long and dry lectures.
Crackle was an expert at that, and look what happened to him...
She made her way to her bed where she found a note. She picked up the note and read it with wide eyes.It's hard to read with closed eyes.
She stuffed it under her pillow and ran outside. As her hooves with the ground with excitement, a massive wingspan flew overhead and a few feathers fell to the ground.FOR FUCKS SAKE. First, this fucking story made you sit through a 10000 word bullshit thing about Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash and whoever the fuck else in a calm world, and then Dash starts going BADASS, and beating up a defenceless little kid, and then, it finally settles down. Instead of 10000 fucking words of calmness and happiness, we got 100 words of semi-calmness and BACK TO THE FUCKING VIOLENCE AGAIN. FOR FUCKS SAKE, PACE YOUR FUCKING STORY, YOU USELESS CUNT.
After running for a bit, Scootaloo came to a lone tree on the edge of Ponyville. Unlike the other ones, this tree was frail and had no leaves. The confused filly looked around and a Pegasus landed on one of the withered branches.
Even in the evening sun, Scootaloo wasn't sure who this pony was. Their fur was some dark blue shade, but it was dingy and missing in several places. The wings were folded, but they were almost completely featherless. Red eyes looked down at Scootaloo as the pony moved slightly. On the side of this pony's hip was a cloud with three faded colors streaking from it.
Scootaloo turned to run, but there was no point. The massive wings flew over her and Rainbow Dash landed in front of Scootaloo.
"Because of you, I was locked in a dungeon in the Everfree forest. But that's alright. I managed to escape and now I wonder what I should do with you."
Rainbow Dash's muscles were even bigger than they were previously and she gave a dry laugh. She gave Scootaloo a twisted glare before she jumped at her.
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNK!! OH MY GOD, IT'S EVEN BIGGER!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
But Scootaloo wasn't going to run. Even if her body was weak, her spirit was strong and even now, she wanted to show Rainbow Dash that she could be tough. She closed her teary eye and ran at Rainbow Dash.OH THANK GOD, BEFORE THIS TURNED INTO AN SOBBY GORE-FEST AGAIN. THANK YOU CELESTIA.
She was sure would be knocked away but she kept running. And running. And running. She opened her eyes to see Rainbow Dash frozen in midair. She wasn't flying, but she was actually frozen there. Scootaloo looked on with shock at what had happened.
A long white leg walked past Scootaloo like she wasn't even there. Immediately, Scootaloo knelt down in front of the amazing blue and pink mane.
Princess Celestia's horn was glowing and she had a less than pleased look on her face.
"I'm very disappointed, Rainbow Dash. I thought you would have learned your lesson."
Celestia's horn stopped glowing and Rainbow Dash fell to the ground. She got up and gave Celestia a dark glare. Her muscles flexed and she began scraping the ground with her hoof.
"Rainbow Dash, I would advise that you don't do that. Your punishment will be far worse."
Dash didn't care. In blistering speed, she came at Celestia. Her increasingly powerful body was faster than Celestia's reaction. Rainbow Dash's hoof went straight to Celestia's face.
The Princess was strong, but she hadn't had to actually do any sort of fighting since she banished Luna a thousand years ago. Dash's massive wings propelled her into the air and she began to assault Celestia with a flurry of abnormally strong hoof strikes. Celestia made one swift move with her neck and Rainbow Dash stopped entirely. She looked at Scootaloo, then Celestia and then down at her chest.
Wait for iiiiiittt...
Celestia's horn was shoved straight through the left side of Rainbow Dash's chest.TAAAA DAAAAAAAAA! SOBBY GORE-FEST PART 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO COMMENCE!
She pulled out and the ravenous pony fell to the ground. Even though she was heavily bleeding from a clearly fatal wound, she managed to get back up and rush Celestia again. Celestia was done being merciful. When Rainbow Dash jumped for her, Celestia's needle sharp horn went through the side of Dash's neck. Blood covered Celestia's white face and colorful mane as Dash fell to the ground one last time.
"I really hoped that it wouldn't have to come to this. I always thought you would be one of the great fliers that would go down in Equestrian legend. I haven't seen anyone this enraged since I banished my sister to the moon. But of course, you won't be banished. You're too far gone and I doubt you'll make it."DON'T KISS ME BITCH YOU JUST THREW UP.
Rainbow Dash thrashed for a few seconds, but it was entirely futile. Eventually, her flailing stopped and she did nothing other than jerk slightly and attempted to control her jagged breathing.
Her red eyes were fading quickly and Scootaloo looked on in a mixture of fear and sadness. Part of her wanted to cry while another wanted to scream in anger. Princess Celestia stepped back and watched Rainbow Dash as she continued to bleed heavily.
A sudden gale of wind sent a small cloud over the setting sun. Instead of it shadowing all of Ponyville, it only shadowed the shell of what used to be Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo looked into those dying eyes as they finally went white and slowly closed.
At first, Scootaloo was scared, but this wasn't the first time someone she loved turned on her, beat her, and then died in front of her. She tried to hold it in, but she ended up expelling everything that she had eaten that day.
When her stomach was done doing flips, the sadness came. For an unknown reason, she rushed to Dash's corpse, wrapped her arms around it and began to cry heavily.THIS HATE THAT YOU GAVE ME KEEPS SAYING!
This went on for several minutes until the Princess walked over. Her horn glowed and she placed a wide wing over Scootaloo and what remained of Rainbow Dash. When she removed it, Scootaloo was crying in nothing but a puddle of her own tears.
She cried for a bit more before she finally dried up her tears and looked at Princess Celestia. Even with blood running down the front part of her body, she still managed to look majestic. She walked to the Princess and Celestia put a wing over the filly. Physically, she was alright but on the inside, she was again broken.
JUST LET ME BURN, JUST LET ME BURN!
Yet another dark chapter in her life was closed. Scootaloo looked up at the clouds and the setting sun. It was all so beautiful and almost made her forget what had just happened. She saw a blue Pegasus soaring through the clouds and immediately, she froze in fear. But instead of seeing a monster, Scootaloo was watching her idol soaring through the cloudy sky. The muscled monstrosity was replaced by the smooth fur and elegant wings of her former self. Rainbow Dash flew down to Scootaloo and gave her a warm smile. In Scootaloo's eyes, she was still as amazing as ever. Scootaloo smiled back the apparition of Rainbow Dash as it flew off into the clouds for one last time.THANK FUCKING GOD. I SPENT FUCKING HOURS WRITING UP THIS STUPID SHIT.