Saturday, 11 February 2012

FanFiction Review: Grand Ponyville Picnic

Hey guys. I haven't reviewed a fic in ages. So, with further ado, I will present the fanfiction.

This fanfiction was sent to me by a fellow named Gabriel Morgan, and it was written by AppleDoom.

So, anyway, I have a YouTube account, called harpseal02. I have fucktons of videos and I was wondering; should I read and review fanfictions, like on this account? Lemme know in the comments, and on the poll.

Anyway, without further ado, I present to you, The Grand Ponyville Picnic

[WARNING-This fanfiction contains rape, gore, violence and other nasty shit. Read at your own risk]

Applejack sighed and wiped her brow of sweat. Tilling the entire farm for crops all day was definitely tiring. She began to make her way towards the apple cellar to grab a cool glass of cider, but noticed a small figure crossing the field and entering the barn. This, of course, was Apple Bloom, Applejack's younger sister.
She's a sexy one, isn't she, Applejack?

For the first time, Applejack saw Apple Bloom...differently. She seemed more mature...almost sexually so. As Applejack pondered this though, she realized she could no longer hold back the wet, hot feeling between her hind legs.
I really shouldn't have said that. Please kill me.

"H-hey!" sputtered Applejack, trying to keep a straight face. "Hey big sis!" replied Apple Bloom, "Why are you looking at me so funny?" Applejack laughed a nervous laugh. "Oh, it's nothing little sis, ummm...could you...umm..." "What is it sis?" said Apple Bloom. " Could you kindly lay down on that hay bale right there...I think I need...something." At this Apple Bloom gave Applejack a puzzled look, but, big sis knows best, so Apple Bloom plopped down on the hay bale face first.
Big Sis wants to violate you~! She knows best alright.

 Applejack slowly sauntered over to Apple Bloom's flank, and stood right behind her. Applejack was sweating from the look of Apple Bloom's tiny flank. Applejack slowly rose one hind leg and the other, mounting Apple Bloom from behind. "B-b-big sis?" Apple Bloom said nervously. Apple Bloom kicked her hind legs, trying to get out from under Applejack's legs, but to no avail. "Apple Bloom...shhh...just relax you little filly..." Applejack whispered. Applejack proceeded to twist her hind legs horizontally, after which a loud snap was heard, and Apple Bloom's hind legs snapped like mere twigs.
OK seriously, why the fuck did we need to include that? Why the fuck did Applejack break Apple Bloom's legs for no reason? Apple Bloom didn't even do anything.

Oh right, sorry. Forgot this was a fanfiction. Carry on.

 Apple Bloom sobbed with pain, "A-A-A-Applejack...this...this is wrong! STOP! STOP PLEASE!", Applejack simply covered Apple Bloom's mouth and started to rub her crotch on Apple Bloom's small flank. Applejack moaned with pleasure, while Apple Bloom's muffled screams for help barely audible in the barn. Apple Bloom broke her mouth free from Applejack's grasp, "Please stop Applejack! Big sis! This...this isn't right! Please!", "Oh, hush now you filly, I'll do something else..." And with that, she did. Applejack let go of Apple Bloom, Apple Bloom thinking she was free, but Applejack simply moved to the front of Apple Bloom and spread her hind legs.
So wait, Applejack is raping her little sister, for no reason, and broke her legs, for no reason. And now, she's making Apple Bloom lick her cunt, FOR NO FUCKING REASON. Jesus Christ. I mean, I wouldn't break someone's legs for no reason. What the fuck?

Applejack grabbed Apple Bloom by the head and shoved her in her crotch. "Just suck on it like you suck on a ice cream pop little filly..." Applejack moaned into Apple Bloom's ear. At this point, Apple Bloom began to sob heavily, her tears mixing with Applejack's own juices. The everlasting pain shooting from her hind legs was unbearable, but she could not scream, as her big sister's crotch was drilling into her face. Applejack moaned and whispered things into Apple Bloom's ear, "Yeah...take it...take it..just a bit more Apple Bloom...uh, uh..." She rasped devilishly into her ear.
How can you drill your vag into someone's face? Forgive me for saying this, girls, but you can't really drill with your pussy, can you?


 Apple Bloom tried to retreat into her mind, to a happier time, with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and how they would play and laugh, but her mind kept drifting back to Applejack pounding herself into her face, sobs muffled by her wet, warm coat. "I TOLD YOU TO LICK IT, YOU STUPID FOAL,"Applejack yelled, breaking Apple Bloom's concentration. Apple Bloom, fearing for her life, began sloppily lapping at Applejack, disgusted by her moans of sick pleasure.
Applejack, somehow displeased with this forced fellatio, grabbed onto Apple Blooms broken hind legs and began violently twisting and hitting them. Apple Bloom's cries of pain grew louder as the broken fragments of her legs mixed around and stabbed into her flesh. The musty barn air choked Apple Bloom's already air deprived lungs, and she wheezed, unable to breathe properly. Applejack smiled coldly at her sisters pain.

So she started breaking her sister's legs MORE, for NO FUCKING REASON. This fanfiction has no fucking reason to exist, and it shouldn't fucking exist.

Suddenly a loud creak echoed throughout the entire barn, and a crack of light erupted from the doorway. "Umm, Applejack? Are you in here?" asked a timid little voice. Applejack gave a glance of warning at Apple Bloom, which she understood perfectly. "Yes, Fluttershy. I'm here, 'round the back." she called out. She could hear Fluttershy trot nervously into the barn; she had never really been comfortable with places like this. Applejack crouched behind a tall tool bench, armed with a small, handheld sickle. In her state of deranged delirium, the urges were unable to be resisted, and she would do anything for a taste of her sweet, sweet life water.

That sounds so fucked up. And it is.

Applejack hungrily licked her lips as Fluttershy entered the threshold, into the spot of the incestual rape that had occurred only moments before. Fluttershy's front left leg met the steel blade of the sickle, and it almost cleaved her leg in two, her leg bone cut to the marrow. A loud scream, one unexpected, coming from a pony like Fluttershy, erupted from the timid pony's throat.

She instantly fell on her face, bloodying her nose on impact. Applejack flipped Fluttershy over and examined her leg wound. "A-Applejack, why did you...what did-" She was cut off by the sharp, stinging impact of a hoof across her face.
She Chris-Browned her as if she was Rihanna.

Applejack, eyes wild and mouth drooling with hunger, said,"Don't you talk no more, y'hear? Momma's got some work to do!"

Then she stuck her tongue into Fluttershy's mouth, swirling it around, smearing spittle all over her face, and mixing the blood from Fluttershy's nose into Applejack's mouth. This resurrected something in Applejack, something she had not felt for years, before her family settled in Ponyville. She grew ravenous, and upwards towards her leg injury. Applejack began chewing on Fluttershy's exposed bone, moans of pain escaping her mouth.
Umm, when did he write that her bone was showing? Unless he didn't describe the knife's impact enough. Jesus. Sense made: 0.

Applejack chewed at the flesh like a wild animal, tearing the muscle from the skin, which she swallowed soon after. Fluttershy let out a low, deep moan of pain. "Please...stop Applejack...please." Fluttershy begged, but her pleas fell on deaf ears, and Applejack just continued the ravaging of her body. Apple Bloom was looking on in sheer terror, trying to escape on her front legs. Applejack of course saw this, broke Fluttershy's left wing with a brutal twisting pull and pushed her to the ground and approached Apple Bloom.

"Now, where are you going missy?" Applejack asked with a hint of delight. Apple Bloom didn't respond and just simply tried to crawl away, which led Applejack to grab the tiny filly body and hoist her across her back. Applejack then trotted over to the crying, broken pegasus in the barn. "Aw, cheer up Flutter, we are about to have some fun..." Fluttershy grew terrified, and, in some vain attempt at reinstating sanity into Applejack, said,"A-pplejack...can you, um..please let me go? I'll do anything if you let me go...", though this sentence was severed into multiple, choked segments by Fluttershy's involuntary sobbing. Applejack grabbed Apple Bloom by the mane, and dragged her over to Fluttershy, ignoring her cries. Fluttershy cried and pleaded for Applejack to release her, but it was in vain. When Applejack was right behind Fluttershy, Applejack promptly shoved Apple Bloom up Fluttershy's vagina, slowly crushing Apple Bloom's skull.
Unbirthing the WRONG and UNSAFE way.

Fluttershy screamed in pain, trying to crawl away. Applejack started rubbing herself on Apple Bloom's flank, while pushing her in. Apple Bloom let out a high pitched screech, and Applejack moaned in pleasure from the sound. Then, Applejack heard a loud snap and pop.
But what about Crackle?

Fluttershy's pelvis broke in two and Apple Bloom's skull was popped from the pressure, the brain matter mixing with Fluttershy's juices. Applejack leaned down and started lapping up the potent combination oozing out of the pegasus' hole. Her tongue inched closer and closer until it edged inside. Fluttershy squeaked, unsure of how to transition from such pain to pleasure.
Your fucking pelvis broke, you have a dead little girl shoved up your vagina and now you are now concentrating on the pony that shoved the fucking baby up your cunt and broke your pelvis, that is licking your vag, forgetting that your fucking pelvis broke and you should still be in extreme pain.


 Applejack smirked as her snout fully entered her. Fluttershy burbled in uncertain ecstasy. With an audible tearing sound, Applejack ripped the soft folds of Fluttershy's vagina to shreds with her teeth.
Ouch. Really, that would fucking hurt. I mean, I read a fanfic about someone getting a pin through their dickhole and I had to stop reading, I felt so uncomfortable. Sorry for printing that, girls.

 Rivulets of blood mixed in with Apple Bloom's brain matter gushed out of her destroyed crevice. Applejack stopped lapping at her juices, withdrew and smiled at the silently sobbing Pegasus. She was now completely broken, both physically and mentally, nothing but an empty shell; and therefore boring.
No Necrophilia, phew.

 Finished with her forced penetration, Applejack approached the workbench, picking up a screwdriver. Fluttershy, bits of skull and brain leaking out of her broken, torn hole, no longer could produce emotion. Trotting happily over to Fluttershy's frail, broken form, Applejack drove the screwdriver into Fluttershy's exposed front leg bone, lodging it inside. Then, twisting the tool, she pulled, tearing the bone away from the muscle, blood squirting from her arm, evoking moans of pain from Fluttershy's throat. After the bone was removed, Applejack drove it into her saliva covered vagina, pumping in and out, blood now mixing in with the saliva. The jagged, broken bone was painful, and Applejack's moans of pleasure were sometimes interrupted with a cry of pain.
I guess you could say that Applejack...
is boning herself

Eventually, with enough pushing, Applejack finally reached climax, screaming and pounding Fluttershy with her hoof several times, bloodying her face even more.
By this time, it was noon, and many ponies had begun to eat. Applejack quickly cleaned herself up, realizing she was late for the picnic festival all of them were going to have. She would have to excuse Fluttershy's absence, and she decided that Fluttershy had come down with a flu and couldn't come.
Years Later.

Rainbow Dash: "Gee, Fluttershy's had a cold for a long time, now."
Applejack: "Actually, I have a confession to make. I cut her leg open, chewed on her bones, broke her pelvis with my little sister, almost ate her vagina, and fucked myself on her bones."
All: (silence)
All: (Laughs)

At the picnic
Applejack trotted over to the picnic, the cool summer breeze blowing through her mane. She was asked several times if she knew where Fluttershy could be found, and all of these were met with Applejack stating,"She's, uh..a bit under the weather..", a bit of guilt slightly gripping her voice. She enjoyed the food for about an hour, Fluttershy probably dead from blood loss, and conversed, sharing stories and news.
Then Applejack spotted an orange coated filly weaving in and out of different picnic blankets, searching. Applejack licked her lips hungrily and sighed. Applejack had always been fond of Scootaloo, a sexual way...though she would never act upon these feelings...until now. "Scootaloo! You, uh...lookin' fer Apple Bloom?" She asked, her voice quavering. "Yeah, you know where she is?" came the reply from the filly. Applejack cleared her throat and said, "She's back down on the wanna go and get her with me?" Scootaloo agreed, and then they departed the park and headed for Sweet Apple Acres. On the way there, Applejack led Scootaloo down a secluded dirt trail. This did still lead to the farm, but it was a quicker and more...hidden...route.

 "Hey Scoots, you go ahead, I gotta check something out back here, just keep going forward and you'll reach the farm soon enough," Applejack said, lagging behind. Scootaloo gave a look of confusion, but, Applejack WAS the older one, so she moved on. Then, trying to keep as quiet as possible, Applejack crept up behind Scootaloo, unable to contain her hot breathing and hoping it wouldn't alert the filly.
Applejack put both of her hooves around Scootaloo's head, one restraining her, one gripping her neck. Scootaloo gasped and choked for air, reaching a hoof far into the air. She attempted rasping audibly as a blue blur, Rainbow Dash, flew above, late for the picnic as Applejack had been. Tears squeezed out of Scootaloo's eyes as she saw this, desperate for the one pony she practically worshipped to save her. Eventually, starved of oxygen, Scootaloo passed out.
 Hahaha, sorry Scoots, no biggy, eh?

Applejack was disappointed at the filly. She had really expected more of a struggle, coming from Scoots. But at least Applejack had finalized her brought the pony to the barn, stepping carefully over Fluttershy's body. Scootaloo's small figure lying on the hay bale made Applejack wet, and the temptation was too much to handle. She began rubbing a hoof on Scootaloo's virgin hole, evoking moans from the filly as she awoke. "Applejack...why did you...where am I?" Scootaloo said, confused. "Shhh...just let mama AJ do her work..."
Umm, a mum wouldn't fuck her children. Unless she was a fucked up bitch.

came a whispered reply. Applejack, could hold her feelings no longer, and she pushed her hoof into her hole. It did not enter far, only stretching it out painfully. Scootaloo cried out, but then was silenced by a orange hoof over her mouth. Applejack grew ravenous, and flipped the pony over and smacked her flank a few times, causing Scootaloo to begin crying, tears flowing down her small face. She pushed her hoof into Scoots' anus, moans of agony, escaping her throat. Then Scootaloo made the mistake of looking to the side, seeing Apple Bloom's upper torso shoved into Fluttershy's cold, dead body. She vomited, a soupy mixture of apple juice and creamed corn flowing from her throat in a disgusting smelling deluge.
"Just like my Mom!"


Applejack saw this and scooped it up in her hoof, stopping the anal rape for just a moment, then started again.
As time went on and on with this, for about half an hour, Applejack went deeper and deeper into Scootaloo, causing her to bleed.

  Eventually, similar to Fluttershy's condition, Scoots' pelvis snapped, a roar of pain rising from deep within Scootaloo. Applejack's entire hoof was now inside Scootaloo's bowels, twisting and turning.
I know this is fanfiction and all, but isn't that like, physically impossible? Actually, maybe that's possible!

It's 100% medically accurate.

Scootaloo died, the smell of death wafting upwards into Applejack's sweat covered nose. She pushed the body off of the hay bale and began rubbing Scootaloo's corpse all over herself while using her other feces, urine, and other fluids covered hoof to pleasure her hole.
To add to the top of this vile fanfiction of rape and gore, we have a little shit-cherry. FUCKING. WONDERFUL.

Applejack's climax after that was the strongest she had ever had, and in this moment, she flung the filly's body into the far wall.
Applejack grinned. It had been a good day. She cleaned herself up once again and headed towards the picnic to enjoy the food, laughter, and stories.
Oh thank fucking god that's over.

Now I'mma go play some Minecraft and pretend this fanfiction never existed.

harpseal2 is out. See ya next time!


  1. Okay I gotta admit, that was a pretty good review. Poor Crackle...

    "Make sense? What fun is there in making sense?" is probably the mantra of all these fanfic writers.

    1. Thanks! It's my actual favourite out of my reviews. Not being a cunt or anything.

    2. Eh, there's nothing cuntish about picking favourites. Particularly if it's one of the better ones.

      Reviews that is, not stories.

    3. what if you are me and you are actually a cunt? like you are actually a womans genitals? wat do

  2. I get the feeling that the actual creator of this story is Pinkie Pie, because she doesn't believe in physics or sense.

    Anyway, awesome review Harpseal. The story is bad, but the review is great. :D

  3. >Imma go play some minecraft and pretend that this fanfiction never existed

    Me too, too